Time

I have this anxiety about time, I really don't know what it is it seems I always know how much time I have left on certain task. What is this time limit really, a limitation I put in my head.It was preset, a work schedule or a time they said I have to do something else. What is time really if there wasn't a clock on the wall or watch on my wrist how would actually act I guess we'll never know

Like the old man

Younger I always see my grandfather sit at a table playing cards I always thought was funny that he would sit drinking his hand and then he will always play out cards for people that work there and speak to himself but now as I grow older I realized ballenatos cards he was remembering his friends that long ago past now now hit with a drink in my hand with my legs crossed and I speak to myself remembering the man that gave birth to my mom

purpose of life

I sometimes question the purpose of life. It feels like a game sometimes to simply see are questions when put in certain situations. I imagine that there is a man in a lab coat writing down the results.

I have been in he'll for six months now. During this time I have been training myself in the art of leadership  and business development. I have seen the development but it's taking a big piece of me. I hate that every time I walk in a part of me has to be in chains. I pray that when I get out of here the cost for my training wasn't the lost of the side I had to suppress.

Lately I feel no longing for possessions that was upon a time used to fill my mind constantly.  This worries me because the need for these things were what many times lit the fire of ambition in me. I worry that without desire  my ambition that use to fire bright will slowly burn out

Your watching me aren't I know it. O so close I get to a  complete and utter  disater. U wait til I'm almost at the bottom the one as of life to pull back up. At times you and I grow very distant didn't we. It was neither your fault or mines just something that happen. When my mindset on certain things that held you in the high regards such as religion shifted I sort of though I relationship would never be the same. I remember when I use to pray to you very day, good tines.  Hope you know I will keep those promises I made to you so long ago whether or not u hold true to your part. I am after all a man of my word. Well my friend God bless I know I'm stupid.

I'm becoming another person more rapidly than ever before. I feel like bean in the post enders game Sega.  Like bean I don't realize that I have evolved until it is evident because I react to a situation different than I would maybe a day ago.  Why is change happening so quickly.  Is the evanz at this age able absurd  information that quickly or is that the evanz of today is just becoming the person evanz of the past was scared to be.