Traits of a Father

I have an addictive personality. I kind of knew it for a long time but stuck it in the back of my subconscious. But after awhile I couldn't repress it anymore. I had to realize that I come from a line of addicts and their personality rub off on me. I must always watch my self with whatever I do.

Why cant I ?

Why cant I do things I don't believe in. It happens time and time again without me even realizing it I stop slowly working on something to my fullest extent. I can't lie to myself forcing my mind to expend energy on something it is not passionate about. Why can't I live a dull existence even if its for a short time.

Memories

I still sometimes times remember those times when I was lock in a bathroom for hours at a time, day after day. Eventually it made me crazy. I would start talking to my self creating characters in my head that I started to really believe we're real a habit that I on occasion catch myself doing today . However this wasn't enough to occupy my mind and I became very depressive. I eventually tried to kill me myself by starvation or constantly trying to drone myself in the tub. Wow what memories.

Success

What am I doing. I am I on the right path. Am I meant to be successfully sometimes I do not know but no matter what I will try to accomplish my dreams. Hope in the end I make it but if I do not at least I know I tried.

Impressions

There are so many people in the world.  When you look at them you see not who they are but your impressions of them. That guy is supervisual,  that guy is timid, etc. Maybe  that is human nature or maybe we have mean molded to think this way.

Age

Age is catching up with me other things I said I would have never done when I get old I'm doing. The naps, going to bed before 11. My energy is not an endless stream of life no longer. I have to conserve my energy and refill it every so often.

Are these gifts still blessings

Our talents are as it many times seems is god`s gift to us but it can also be our greatest curse. The curse usually comes in when others want to take our talents and put their own ideas on others talents. When the great one is praised in battle but is condemn when he no longer chooses to fight. When the basketball player at the top of his game decides to call it quits when his beloved fans beg for his return. When the musician on the top of his art is torment persistently by the paparazzi. Are these gifts still blessings?

Leadership

Leadership is a quality that is not easy for anyone to obtain. I do believe that qualities can be learned. I myself have learned many qualities that year's ago I thought were out of my realms of possibility to learn.

Decsions

Decisions are made either small or big. Decisions can alter our life forever. We sometimes forget we are in the situation we are in because of a decision. Some decision have haunted me for years. So much so that the moment I made them replays in my mind constantly never letting me forget I had a choice and the position I am now is my fault.